Sonya Hunter

Sonya Hunter  0:00  
And that's tough, because I'll be very honest, I've, I've gone through whirlwind of emotions with God. I mean, I've been mad at him. I've been jealous. I mean, there were times in the beginning, I was jealous that he had my baby. And I didn't. And of course, there's times I was mad that he allowed this to happen to my family. And because, you know, you get that mindset, oh, nothing happens to good people, you know, nothing bad. That's, you know, you kind of get in that mentality in life. But of course, I didn't stay there. That's the thing. I think God gives us all these emotions. And he understands that, but you can't stay in that, that, that moment of being mad and you know, jealous and that kind of stuff. And you truly to get through something like this, you truly have got to literally dig deep.

Trevor Tyson  0:53  
What's up everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of Trevor talks. I'm your host, Trevor Tyson. And I'm so excited that you're here with us today. And I hope that you're equally as excited because I know that this episode is going to be one of those that you walk away. And guys don't run when I say this, because it's good to have a healthy cry every now and again. But you might tear up a little bit and you might ball like a baby. I know I might. And I've done this, what 104 times at this point, I don't know. But that's not important. Right now, all that is important is that today, I'm joined by someone that I've gotten the pleasure of knowing for over a year now. And I've actually been working alongside her to get this amazing story out into the world. And I'm so excited that we finally get to share it here on Trevor talks. She's a mother, wife, champion of life, and most recently the author of her book unsurvivable. Please help me welcome Miss Sonya Hunter. Sonya, we finally made it or here we're doing it.

Sonya Hunter  1:54  
Yes. I'm so excited to be on your show.

Trevor Tyson  1:57  
Come on. And you're such a trooper, like we've been planning this, everybody. I'm not even playing with you. It's been over a year. And we're finally making it happen. And you're so positive about it. You're like, it's all in God's timing. I might Yeah. But I felt like I was pushing you off. And then no, like, it's happening. We're here. And I think that everyone needs to hear this story. One of the things that I realized very early on, and even like our professional relationship is that this story is going to shake the culture, every single person that I know that has read it, including my mother has been impacted by this. So I'm excited that we finally get to share it with everyone here on the show, and that you're even carving out time to make this happen. So thanks again for being here.

Sonya Hunter  2:40  
Yes, it's a pleasure to be here.

Trevor Tyson  2:42  
Now, one thing that I admire about you is the strength and the valor that you carry. Like for me knowing, like all the bits and pieces that goes into your story that you're going to share with us today. You haven't had an easy life, you've gone through tragedy, you've gone through heartbreak, and through all of the pain that's come with that you've come out so positive. So to start off, I really want to start with something simple. When you started going through all the trauma and everything. Before we dive into the story. What was the light that you were seeing to know that like, Okay, I want to make this a positive journey through all of the that you were going through, you had to make a decision. And that was with your mindset. So what gave you the strength to do that?

Sonya Hunter  3:28  
Of course, God gave me the strength. But you know, I told myself, in the beginning, when this tragedy happened, I had two roads that I could choose one, I could go down a dark, deep depression type mode, or two, I could just trust God that every step was going to be orchestrated from here on out somehow and that I could have a happy life again. And that sounds more appealing to me than this dark, depressing gloomy life, because it would be easy to go that way. It really would so but that's not me. And that wasn't the life that I wanted. So every day I had to make a mindset. And even still, sometimes today, I still have to get my mind going in the right direction. Because it still would be easy when we're having hard times to to just go in that dark cold. But that's just not me. That's not the person I want to be.

Trevor Tyson  4:19  
Yeah. And in your book, even the subtitle has a punch to it even in the darkest storm. Always look for your rainbow. And everyone that is watching on YouTube is going to be able to see the cover without that little glare there. You've got a rainbow, you've got a storm and you've got the road that just seems to never end unsurvivable What an interesting title just right off the bat because it's actually broken into two words quote unquote unsurvivable. So can you break down the creative process for that and where did that even come from?

Sonya Hunter  4:51  
Yes, so cushy when the accident happened. Losing my whole family was was tough because in all reality Yeah, last corner that day as well. And I mean, but Sal lost him. I mean, I lost him. But we have a whole new life that's even even better than I could have ever imagined. But, you know, so to me, our story was unsurvivable. Looking back on it, I mean, ice I shouldn't have at 29 years old been able to survive this horrific accident that happened to my family. And everything I was going through with Connor fighting to keep him alive. And it was unsurvivable for Connor to the doctors told me numerous times that you know, he was not even going to survive through the first night after that accident happened. So, to me, that was a perfect name in the book because it was survivable. And, you know, it wasn't supposed to be survivable. So that's actually how we came up with the name of the book. So survivable, that we survived.

Trevor Tyson  5:55  
You did survive it, and you're actively surviving it. And before we dive into your story, you bring up your real life, Superman Connor, the doctor said that he shouldn't live. So before we dive into the story, you brought up the accident, I want you to go into full detail about that. But Connor is actively changing lives. And we were talking about it before we started recording, even the IC was an ICU doctor that told you

Sonya Hunter  6:22  
and he was our neurosurgeon that we serve

Trevor Tyson  6:25  
surgeon. Yeah. So they were like, he's not going to live through the night. And you're like, No, we're not just going to let them go. And how many years ago has that been

Sonya Hunter  6:36  
16 and a half years. And he wasn't, he wasn't even predicted to live past a year. So

Trevor Tyson  6:45  
wasn't predicted to live past a year, it's almost been 16 years since that accident, that kind of shifted everything for you. And in the book, you describe it as you were about to really start your dream life, your husband was getting an amazing job, you were gonna be able to quit your job, and stay at home with your two beautiful babies. And that all changed before lunch. So could you dive into that day as vulnerably as you want to, and just even give us a deep dive leading into that if you want to go into your childhood, whatever you feel is irrelevant, and that people might relate with and be encouraged by the floor is yours. I want to hear the full story behind Sonya Hunter.

Sonya Hunter  7:25  
Yes. So Chris, my previous has been, um, he had been working for Burlington Northern Railroad for almost a year. And he was making great money. So we were just throwing money at all of our bills, getting everything paid off. And we were to the point where we could I could stay home, I could quit my job. I was a medical transcriptionist for a physical therapy company. And so I was so excited. I had a week left to work. And the boys were so excited. Adam especially he understood more. So Adam was six, our oldest son and then Connor was 19 months old. And so Adam had just finished up School for the year. And he was so excited that mom was going to be home with him all summer, he had all kinds of plans set up. And so the day of the accident, it it was tough. And you know, because it's so strange, because I had this weird feeling go into work that morning. And I couldn't understand what the gut feeling was. I just kind of kept thinking, Oh, it's just because I'm, I'm sad about leaving my co workers because I did love the company. I worked for him. We were all very close on but oh, I'm just having jitters about all that. But um, when I called Chris and he didn't answer his phone, and I knew he was supposed to be on his way over to our work to take me to lunch, him and the boys. The second he didn't answer the phone, I immediately knew something wasn't right. And it's strange, because normally that would have just been like, he must be on another line. He'll call me back. But at that second, all those films that I had earlier that morning just came flooding back over me. And I knew something wasn't right. And so I just kept calling I called everybody I can think of to see if maybe he stopped office mice house which I knew that what might kill him. And I'll never forget the police walking into my place of work and asking for Sonya McDougal. And when I came around the corner, I went to school with one of the police officers. He didn't know my name by McDougal. He didn't recognize that but as soon as he saw my face and seen who I was, I could see it all over his face that something bad had happened. And so he patiently sat me down to try to tell me and I'll never forget the look in his eyes as he just looked at me and was like Chris has had a bad accident in him on one of your sons has passed away and the other one is at the local hospital but needs to be Aeroflot Get out and you need to get up there to give consent. And that feeling was the absolute worst. I mean, it's something you just don't wish upon anybody. I mean, at that moment, I felt like some I literally took my heart and just ripped it completely out of my chest. It was devastating. I, I felt paralyzed. I felt like I couldn't even move, I didn't know how I was even going to be able to get up and walk to a vehicle to get to Connor because at that time, I didn't know it was Connor, they didn't tell me which one was alive. They weren't sure, actually. And, you know, I just, I just remember thinking, I don't even know who to pray for which one of my babies is alive? How am I going to get through this? You know, I just, it was just devastating. I mean, there's just not even words to explain what you're feeling at that moment. And when I finally got to the hospital, and I realized it was Connor that was alive, I just crumbled to the ground in complete agony and pain. Because at that moment, I was like, This is real Adams gone, I'm never going to be able to Phil's little arms wrapped around my neck and tell me he loves me and give me a kiss. And, you know, and then losing Chris, he was my rock, my strength, you know, I second needed him to be there at that moment through all this. And he was just horrifying to say the least. And I remember walking into that trauma room at the ER. And I can just remember so many people being surrounded around Connor and I can can remember the person's face Exactly. That was at his head that because they were actually they had an intubated and we're actually breathing for him. And I just remember thinking, his life is in your hands at the moment. You're literally breathing life into him at the moment. And I remember the doctor trying to tell me he had a spinal cord injury. They weren't sure the extent of everything, but they need to get him to children's hospital in Dallas, Texas, and the rest was just a complete blur. It literally was. And when they took him away to put him on the helicopter, I just crumbled again, because I'm like, why can't I go with him? What if something happens, you know, in flight there, and I'm not with him. But of course, they couldn't allow me to go with him. But it was just absolutely devastating. And when we got to the hospital, of course, he was stuck in MRIs and CT scans for hours, it was forever before I got to seen. And he kept crashing as what was taking so long. So they'd have to stop the test, pull him out, revive him, and then try the test again. And I remember when I finally got to same. When I walked in the ICU room, the ICU doctor was like you guys need to prepare yourself. He will not survive through the night. And I just crumbled to the floor and was like God, you can't taking us you can't take him. It wasn't a survivable wreck. And he did survive somehow. And I, I have to need him. And you know, it just it. And of course, back then we didn't have social media. I mean, you didn't have Facebook, I think MySpace had just started back then. But no one really knew how to work that yet. But so you didn't you know, now you have social media. And you can get prayer requests going out there huge and quick. So we had to do the old, you call everybody on the phone, get prayer requests going. And I know that we got tons of people praying for us all over the country, because we started getting cards from like people in Canada, and there was one from China and just, I mean, so many prayer requests. But I know Caleb had gotten it, somebody had gotten it to Caleb also. And they have put out a big deal as well for prayer. So and clearly he survived through the night. And I truly believe that was by the power of prayer. I really do. And it's just BL so that's kind of the story of how things started with our tragedy. And

Sonya Hunter  14:03  
there's, there's so many stories, though, along the way, too, of course. But my rainbow story, I think it's one of my favorite, which that also was on the cover for a specific reason. Because a few days after the accident happened, you know, the doctor sit down with me and, and I totally understand doctors have to give you worst case scenario, because they gotta lay it all out there on the line, that they never were supportive of my decision to move forward with Connors life. And you know, the ICU doctor even told me, you know, I'll put him in as put him in your lap and I'll let you literally rock into his death and when I'll never forget those words, because I thought, oh my gosh, how can you even say that to me with everything I've lost? I mean, there's just no, no way. I'm gonna do that. And when I left that meeting, I told my parents you know, I just need a minute and I walked down to the ICU waiting room and one of my friends was out there with Me and I called my other friend on the phone. And I was just kind of updating them on the, what all was told to me and what they were wanting. And I was just crying my heart out. And I was like, I just wish God would give me a sign that I am doing the right thing, because they had told me I was being selfish by going on with Connors life, and I went thinking about his quality of life. And at that very moment, I mean, the second the words came out of my mouth, the most beautiful rainbow that I've ever seen to this day, appeared over downtown Dallas, and it wasn't even raining that day. That's what's even more amazing. And I'll never forget looking at my friend and I was like, Is this real? Do you see what I see? Or am I dreaming this and he was like, that's real. And I think that's your sign that you're watching. And so from that moment forward, I knew, you know that I was to keep pushing forward with Connors life no matter what. And it was tough because we were in ICU for 31 days before we moved down to the floor. And the ICU doctor, plus, our neurosurgeon even, you know, er, Nurse surgeon wasn't as bad as ICU doctor, but the ICU doctor fought me every day on keeping Connor alive. And we even asked him one time, do you believe in God? And he said, not your God? I do not. And I was like, wow. So I'm sure those 31 days also impacted him because he saw a lot. We had a lot of spiritual stuff going on in that room. We had people come in and pray Overeem, sing Christian music, we always had Christian music playing. I mean, of course, we did it respectfully. So we didn't bother either ICU patients. But I, I know, he got some seeds planted into him during those 31 days for sure. So

Trevor Tyson  16:50  
that is all like when someone is going through that amount of trauma, to then hear a doctor come in and say something like that, and have the will and the fight and actually fight against them says a lot about your power and strength that I mentioned earlier. Because when a doctor comes in and says, Hey, this is what we recommend, typically, you're just like, okay, like, I trust you, whatever. That one night turned into one year, then turn into 16 years. And Connor is still alive today. And thriving and making everybody smile. I know when you text me pictures of them, it brightens my day. And at what point do you think you made the decision to choose faith over fear? Because obviously, there was a lot of fear of losing Connor as well. Was it when you saw the rainbow? Or was it immediately when that conversation started? When you figured out that Connor was still alive? Did you have the drive and the mind clarity to be like, You know what, I'm going to fight through this and Connor is going to survive? Or was there a certain point along the way that you chose faith over fear?

Sonya Hunter  18:03  
It's funny, because it probably was about a week after the accident happened. Our pastor had come to the hospital, because so Dallas children's is two hours from where we live. So it wasn't like our pastor was, you know, right there every day. So he would try to come once a week. And of course, he was always available by phone, but I'll never forget, he had come up and me and he home went into a private room. And you know, we're just talking and I was just crying Ting, telling me my fears, you know that I definitely knew I wanted to continue on with Connors life. But you know, all the bad stuff that doctors kept throwing at me did give me fear. And one of the things he had told me was, do not look into the future. The future doesn't exist yet. And you only have today. And my mom has been great about reminding me of that all the time to tomorrow doesn't exist, you only have today. And when tomorrow comes then you push through. But that was one of the best things he could have told me was Do not look into the future. Because the future will scare you it will fill fill you full of fear. And that's what the devil wants and so kind of then that was my mindset that, okay, we can do this, I'm gonna have to put my faith over my fear if I'm going to be able to push through and get through this. So the only way to survive and then it actually though it's funny. So I had grasped that in the beginning. And then you know, Connor gets out. We get home. After about a year you know, things started going good health wise and everything for Connor and it wasn't until 2019 That he ended up in the hospital. We were in the hospital for 154 days with a bowel obstruction that was due from scar tissue that they were thinking was from maybe the accident just kind of built up finally over time in his abdomen, and they had to remove a third of his colon and And he, his heart stopped twice on this during that time. And because with spinal cord injuries, they don't deal well with pain. Why? Because their body their autonomic, you know, responses. So it just goes crazy when there's something wrong. So that's what caused the stress on his heart. But then he also became septic. I mean, like, he shouldn't survive 2019, I could write a whole book on 2019, because that was another unsurvivable moment. And that year, my faith was shaken to the core again, just like it was in the beginning with the accident. And I thought, I'm not ready to lose him yet. We're not gonna go out like this. And I grasped that faith over fear again. And now, it's just with this every day, I'm like, I'm not letting it go this time. Because, you know, like, in the beginning, I kind of was like, getting comfortable with everything is everything was going so well. So that's kind of how I came for that to be our motto, because our life really has been faith over fear. Because it's too easy to fall into fear. It really is.

Trevor Tyson  21:14  
This incredible to think about, and I feel like next on this journey, or this conversation, as we'll call it, is you got to the rainbow, what happened on the flip side of that, so you barge in there, you punch somebody in the face. So I'm just kidding. But you have that conversation. You wanted to?

Sonya Hunter  21:32  
I wanted to numerous times

Trevor Tyson  21:35  
on but you had that conversation, you decide that you're going to choose to walk this through with Connor and see how it goes. You turn your home into a full time ICU center, and you've got a ventilator in your home still to this day, correct? Yes. And you were even in the hospital, what last week, you were on a vacation, like and then you had to fly back, and you got delayed, and you just wanted to be with your son. And it's like, even in 2022, and we're recording this, they're having unsurvivable moments. And Connor just keeps kicking tail to the for lack of a better word, to keep living. And he's a warrior and he's a champion. But to get to 2022. Like you said earlier, you've still been going through these unsurvivable moments. But when did Robin come into the picture? When did your knight in shining armor or night and graphic vinyl armor since y'all own the graphics and vinyl company? Like they do a ton of graphics and signs. So if you need it, they're there for you. Yes. And when did your knight in shining armor come in? And were you expecting anything? And how did you get over the hump of like, you didn't go through a divorce? It wasn't like that, like, your marriage never ended? So how did you get over that mental hump? Because for me, I think about that, and I'm like, I can't imagine like that's unsurvivable on its own. So tell us about that.

Sonya Hunter  23:02  
Yeah, cuz you know, it was tough, you know, even and I always tell people to you know, I didn't really get to grieve Chris or Adam, like, somebody would you know, if you lose a loved one because I had to go into fight or mode to keep Connor live and do everything I could for him. And so I had to grieve them in spurts. And I couldn't move on together. It was too much. I mean, and when we came home, that was even worse. We were in the hospital about three months, three and a half months, I think. And so when we came home, I came home to my house being something that it wasn't before mainly, they had come in and taken down Connors baby bed and put up a hospital bed. And you know, so when I came home, I was a whirlwind of emotions, because I'm just like, This is not my house. I mean, actually, the first thing I said was you tell the company to come pick up the hospital bed tomorrow, we're not he's a baby, we're not having a hospital room, I will go find another bed that we can use. And we're not going to have it this way. And so, you know, and then I had a whirlwind of people constantly in and out of my home, which I needed, I had to have help. I still tap help. And so is a great support system. But, you know, that's not what my life was like before. So it was really tough. And so even then I had some new people in the house, I still didn't get to grieve, like most people would. And I can remember there were times that I literally would just go in our walk in closet and bury my face into Chris's clothes and bawl my eyes out because I missed him and I needed him so much. And then the other times I'd go walk myself in Adams room because I wouldn't allow anybody in his room and just sit there on his bed and just cry. I mean it was just horrible going through that grief and not getting to go through it all like I needed to write so Robin came into my life. And so the accident happened in 2006 He came into my life in 2007 and it was is the I mean, just happened. It was all orchestrated by God. And at that moment, so my heart still wasn't ready, because that's what point I was around the grieving, I still hadn't grieved everything. And so it started out as a friendship, you know, but he was very patient, very loving. And it eventually grew over time and into what God wanted to know, person. We got married in 2009. And he, he knew God, it's amazing that God knows what he's doing. You know, it's funny, because I tell people, I can literally look back over my life. And I can see how God orchestrated every part of my life for what was about to come. Even Chris getting the job at the railroad and me going to be a stay at home mom, because we gotten our bills paid off, you know, that helped me financially since I lost his income. And then, you know, it's like I've told other people on like, it's just funny that the moment I was conceived in the moment, Robin was conceived that God knew one day, we were going to be together. And, you know, it takes a really godly man to be able to come into, into what he came into. Because I mean, there were so many times I felt like I was cheating on Chris, because it's like you said, it wasn't a divorce, I still loved him, I still love him, I still have a special place in my heart for him that always have. But it's amazing that God makes our hearts big enough that we can love other people too. Because in the beginning, I thought I'll never remarry. I'll never be able to move past that, you know, how, how can I love somebody else. And I'll never forget, my mom told me from after robbing cable, my wife that she had been praying from the second accident happened, that when the timing was right, that God would send someone special into my life. And then I went and close my heart off. And it's just, it's amazing to see that how God orchestrates everything.

Trevor Tyson  26:57  
So incredible. And obviously, there's been a lot of stories that have happened along the way in between all of this, but just the fact that you're here talking about it is astonishing. And I knew that from the moment I met you. And I'm so glad that we finally got to just have the conversation. Because there's so many people out there that are going through grief and trauma and even mental health battles, and they don't feel like they're going to be able to live another day. And while the things that we struggle with mentally can be really hard when you go through something like losing your rock and losing your child, and losing a piece of another child not knowing if they're gonna live, that's a low feeling. It's like God, why would you do that to me. And for those out there that are struggling with something traumatic, whether it's mental health issues, suicidal ideation, or simply losing a family member, friend, or maybe even expecting to lose someone? What would the message be from Sonya Hunter, like in today's day and age with all that, you know, now with all that you've been through? What would your advice be for someone that's going through that that is looking for the rainbow and doesn't quite know where they're going to find it?

Sonya Hunter  28:13  
You definitely have to have to dig deep and clean to God, you really do. And, and that's tough, because I'll be very honest, I've, I've gone through whirlwind of emotions with God. I mean, I've been mad at him. I've been jealous. I mean, there were times in the beginning, I was jealous that he had my baby. And I didn't. And of course, there's times I was mad that he allowed this to happen to my family. And because, you know, you get that mindset, oh, nothing happens to good people, you know, nothing bad. That's, you know, you kind of get that mentality in life. But of course, I didn't stay there. That's the thing. I think God gives us all these emotions, and he understands that, but you can't stay in that, that, that moment of being mad and, you know, jealous and that kind of stuff. And you truly to get through something like this, you truly have got to literally dig deep. I mean, and it's tough. There were days, especially in the beginning that as soon as I woke up, I had to tell myself, God's got you today, and you're going to be okay. And you're going to get up and you're going to be positive. And that was one thing with Connor I know I did not want negativity around him because I didn't want him to be depressed. So I was always doing my best to be a beat around him which I think helped me to get through that. So that would be my other thing is find something that can help you be positive. You know, I know not everybody's got a Connor that they need to be positive for but find find something else that can give me that positive to be positive for because other than that it's so easy to go down a dark, gloomy road it really is. And, you know, I've had people tell me that have Just lost jobs that just by hearing our story inspired them that, hey, if you can get through what you've been through, I can get through this financial burden I'm going through of losing my job. So every everybody's tragedy is a different tragedy, because you know, everybody, everybody didn't have the same tragedy, but in their life, but there are other other things like that by losing a job or, like you said, mental health issues. I mean, so many, so many things out there. But

Trevor Tyson  30:31  
in Agile wanna go ahead, sorry, no, you're

Sonya Hunter  30:35  
fine. But I mean, and one of the other things is, is I've really had to ground myself to make myself especially back in the beginning, make sure I was getting in the Word of God constantly. Because otherwise, you know, it's too easy for the devil to creep in. And, and I mean, I still get in the Word of God minutes. I feel like sometimes it's hard because you know, my life is so crazy. So I have to make time to do that. Now reflecting beginning it was a little bit easier. But the it's, I think all of us so important.

Trevor Tyson  31:06  
It is. And there are a lot of things out there that can seem unsurvivable right now. But if you can't really find that rainbow that you're looking for, take it from Sonya and I, there's always a reason to keep living. There's always a reason to keep pressing forward. And we want you to know that whatever you're struggling with right now is not unsurvivable. Listen to Sonya story, if you need to listen to this over again are by the book, go do it. Like there's a reason to keep living. And we want to provide you with resources. If you're struggling today with heart support, not com death to life.com beneath the skin, the teen hope one, there's so many resources out there and so many people that want to see you live another day. Remember that your wife, everything that you're going through right now is survivable to a certain extent. And we love you so much. And Sonya, thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story and just being able to encourage us all with the rainbows that you've been able to find through all the tragedy through all the pain. They're all the struggles is mind blowingly encouraging and I don't even know if mind blowing me as a word, but it's the word for the day mindblowingly if Webster doesn't have that a dictionary, it means I'll give it to you. It needs to be in there. So everybody go check out unsurvivable book.com. Again, that's unsurvivable book.com That Sonya is website and go follow her on social media at real Sonya Hunter. We're gonna have links for all that in the description below. Sonya, your world changer. Thank you so much for being here. I'm just thrilled that we were able to get

Sonya Hunter  32:38  
this. Yes, me too.

Trevor Tyson  32:40  
Well, we love you guys so much. Again, if you need some extra resources. We're gonna have all those links in the description below. And we'll talk to you guys next week. Bye now

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